Top 10 ways to die a martyr

With so many causes to feel strongly about (and perhaps even die for), it’s difficult to decide where exactly to start. Luckily, I’ve compiled the top 10 ways to fight for your cause so you can start today!

  1. Meatless Midnight Snacks.
  2. Wear an animal costume and cry.
  3. Put edgy stickers on your laptop.
  4. Don’t shower for a while.
  5. Scroll all the way to the bottom of a world news article (whether you’ve read it or not).
  6. Retweet a picture of a sad dog or orphan.
  7. Nervously walk by a canvasser while half-smiling at the ground.
  8. Nervously walk by a homeless man while mumbling “I’m sorry.”
  9. Add “The Act of Killing” to your list on Netflix before watching Family Guy.
  10. Briefly think about joining the Peace Corps
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