BREAKING: Guy just wants to go home and mope about being alone

Sources have just confirmed that the weird guy who hasn’t spoken to anyone at this party just wants to go home. Local man Steve Lager says, “Really, if the options are A) going out and being lonely and tired or B) staying in and being lonely while watching Netflix, which would you choose?

He continues, “What am I supposed to talk about anyway? Being home all weekend and jerking off?”

Witnesses note that earlier this evening, after being silent for an hour, Lager made what appeared to be a joke. This attempt backfired and made his presence even more uncomfortable to those around him. Lager nearly sobs, “Do you know how it feels when you’re silent for an hour and you make a joke and no one laughs?”

Lager’s good friends were also found on scene and asked for comment. They allegedly told Lager earlier, “Come on, just try having fun!” An alternate source reports that if they were such good friends, they would know that you wouldn’t need to try to have fun.

“God I’m so lonely” he said, slipping out the door of the party without anybody noticing.

Sources are now stating that the weird girl from the party wishes she was at her soulmate’s house watching TV.

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